


Christmas in Connecticut

by diana_hawthorne (stsgirlie)



Series: Private Lives [9]
Category: Law & Order
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stsgirlie/pseuds/diana_hawthorne
Summary: Elizabeth Olivet, her husband Ben Stone, and their daughter join her family in Connecticut for Christmas.Set in December 2004.





	1. Liz, Christmas Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title was taken from the hilarious and wonderful movie of the same name--there isn't any similarity to the film, but it is a great one!
> 
> Due to many original characters, I've created a brief character guide for convenience, located in the end notes.

It is the night before Christmas and the children are tucked into their beds, all nine of them sleeping soundly--or so they hope. Caroline and her cousin Eliza are sharing Caroline’s room, giggling sleepily when they were tucked in. They insisted on spending Christmas Eve together, and every night of the holidays, though the boys preferred to stay at Teddy and Chrissy’s house next door, their nanny making sure everyone behaves. Georgina, Charlie’s only child, and the youngest, insisted on staying in his room after Caroline and Eliza teased her. She went up to their room to talk to them. Caroline said, ‘but Mommy, she doesn’t like it when we stay up late talking, and Eliza and I _never_ have sleepovers!’ She bit her lip to suppress a laugh--apparently a weekly sleepover counted as “never” nowadays--but even after Caroline and Eliza apologized Georgina insisted on staying with her parents. Beth, his wife, pulled her aside later to tell her not to worry about it--Georgina had been reluctant to sleep alone after a series of terrifying nightmares. She’d repeated the story to Chrissie, who had laughed.

‘Poor them--I bet they were really looking forward to having their bedroom to themselves.’

Joining in, she heard how forced her laugh sounds, though she hoped Chrissie didn’t notice, and she excused herself quickly to make sure the girls were settled. They weren’t, quite, but she let them be--let them have a fun night. After easing the door closed behind her, she went downstairs to join everyone for dinner.

After dinner--at her parents’ house this year, just like Christmas--they retire to the library to relax in front of a roaring fire, sleepy and tipsy after an enormous dinner. They still have much to do--hanging the stockings, wrapping up last-minute gifts--but right now she reclines lazily in an armchair in front of the fire, feet propped up on the ottoman, a heavy crystal tumbler full of scotch resting on her stomach. Through sleepy eyes she looks at her family.

Her mother and Miranda, her godfather’s partner, are laughing together in the corner, going through a comprehensive list of presents for the children. Each child has their own wrapping paper to make the morning easier; her mother is ensuring each gift is accounted for. It’s like supplying a traveling army. 

Looking down she watches Chrissie, leaning against the side of her chair, write out endless cards for the children: ‘To Eliza, from Santa,’ ‘To Oliver, love Aunt Chrissie and Uncle Teddy,’ etc. It’s a good thing that the tree is so big--with her four cousins and their wives at home, and all of their eight children, it is quite crowded. There are twenty-three people in all. It’s the first Christmas they’ve all been together as adults--usually Charlie or James spent this holiday with their wives’ families someplace warm, but her mother insisted on a proper family Christmas this year, despite the absence of her aunt and uncle. 

Her cousins--Teddy, Bill, James, and Charlie--were more like her brothers than cousins, spending most of their time when they were growing up at her house, despite the fact that Charlie, the cousin who is closest in age to her, was seven years older. Her aunt and uncle preferred to travel widely, leaving her cousins with her parents before sending them off to boarding school when they were able. This year they are in Peru, hiking the Andes, but nothing in her cousins’ easy sprawl in front of the fire gives any hint that they feel as though they are guests in this house--it is, to them, home.

Teddy is helping write cards for the children too, looking up from time to time to talk to Margot and Bill, arranging playdates for their sons. Jack and Henry, Teddy and Chrissie’s boys, are now fourteen and eleven and, with Owen and Toby, thirteen and twelve, are old enough to stay in the house by themselves and even watch James’ seven-year-old twins while the adults have a relaxing evening. It’s needed--James is yawning, exhausted by his sons, and has his arm wrapped around his beautiful wife Alice. Her blonde head is resting against his shoulder and she yawns too.

As she takes a big sip of her scotch, she finally looks over at her godfather, father, and husband. They are deep in conversation, though about who knows what, and drinking scotch. At least Ben is apparently enjoying himself this year. Last year he’d grown so frustrated with the children running around and all the family traditions that he told her that he wouldn’t be coming with them again. He’d only changed his mind at the last minute, expecting her to be grateful. She didn’t know how to react, and it was clear that Caroline was surprised too.

Their marriage hasn’t been particularly good in recent months, quite strained, especially after he started working at One Police Plaza, consulting a few days a week. She’s almost sure he is no longer in love with her, which is, quite frankly, a relief. She thought their marriage would be different, better, than it was--it wasn’t anything like she expected it to be, from the way their relationship changed as soon as they came back from their honeymoon to the way he was as a father, and everything in between. Now she has no idea why she agreed to marry him when she realizes, at last, that she barely knew him. Well, she thought that she knew… but that was in the past, and she was wrong then too.

The clock chimes eleven and she yawns widely, exhausted from the weeks leading up to Christmas. In charge of coordinating everything on her own, without Ben’s support, she somehow managed to successfully purchase, wrap, and hide presents for everyone, pack for the three of them, and drive all the children’s presents to Peter and Miranda’s so that they could take them up to Darien, away from the prying eyes of children. All this on top of a heavy workload meant that she barely managed to snatch a few hours’ sleep a night. Ben had offered, reluctantly, to help with Caroline, taking her to school and picking her up. He didn’t like the school run but hated braving the crowds in department stores more.

As the last chimes fade James and Alice stand up.

‘Can we do anything else before we go off to bed?’ Alice asks.

‘No, that’s all right, dears--you’re exhausted,’ her mother says. ‘In fact, we should all go to bed--we’ll be up early in the morning. We’ll finish up the stockings.’

‘Thanks, Aunt Isobel,’ Teddy says, attaching the last tags to the children’s gifts. Suddenly everyone gets up, yawning, and kisses each other goodnight as they make their way up the stairs.

She is one of the last to go, draining her scotch before bringing her empty glass and others into the kitchen. She takes her time washing the glasses, and when she comes back to the library she finds that everyone else has gone upstairs or next door except her parents. She gives them a tired smile.

‘Good night, my darling,’ Isobel says as she steps over to be enfolded in her mother’s embrace. ‘We’re so glad you’re all here.’

‘Me too, Mummy,’ she says, squeezing her tight, before turning to her father. ‘Good night, Daddy.’

‘Good night, Liz,’ he says, kissing her cheek. ‘Merry Christmas.’

‘Merry Christmas,’ she says, and then leaves her parents in front of the fire, climbing the stairs slowly.

She checks on her daughter first. Caroline is sprawled on her stomach in the middle of the bed while her cousin, Eliza, sleeps on her side in the other bed. She doesn’t understand how Caroline’s positioning is restful, but she is sleeping soundly, one arm hugging Topsy, her favorite toy, to her chest. Her beautiful girl… five and a half now. She can’t believe how quickly time has passed. Her heart aches as she looks at her--she had no idea it would be like this, so full of pain and joy that struck her at the oddest times. Today she should be filled with happiness. She is home with her family, tomorrow is Christmas, and her husband is here with her. She should be content because she has everything she ever wanted… except that she doesn’t.

How much different would her life be if he was still a part of it? She hasn’t seen him in years, since the last time she'd organized a meeting so he could see his daughter, though she can’t expect that state of affairs to last much longer. He is working with Ben now, finally getting his transfer back to the city after all these years of trying… was it worth it, to him? He lost everything else and it took him almost ten years…

Does he have anything else in his life? She has no idea who he is any more. Maybe he has found someone else, maybe he’s happy, maybe he has a child he can call his own… any or all of these things could be true.

She could watch her daughter for hours but she knows she can’t; after another long minute she closes the door behind her and walks down the hallway to her room.

Her husband is waiting for her in bed, sitting up reading a thick legal brief, his glasses resting on his nose as he makes notes in the document. He looks up when she enters.

‘I was wondering when you’d come to bed.’

‘I was talking to my parents,’ she offers, walking to her dresser to find something to sleep in. Expecting to be woken early by her daughter and the other children, she pulls out a warm flannel pyjama set, perfectly appropriate for Christmas morning. She goes into the bathroom to change and prepare for bed, joining her husband a few minutes later. He is engrossed in his brief, not turning to talk to her as she climbs into bed beside him. Leaning over, she turns off the light on her bedside table, then sinks down into her bed, closing her eyes.

Just as she drifts off to sleep, he says, ‘Elizabeth?’

‘Mhm?’ she murmurs, rolling over to look at him.

He doesn’t say anything, just looks at her for a long moment. He’s set aside his brief and taken off his glasses; despite that, his blue eyes are unreadable.

‘Liz,’ he says this time, voice gentle. He reaches out to stroke the curve of her hip hidden by the blankets.

She’s exhausted and lonely and wants someone but she feigns ignorance of his intentions. Yawning widely, she gives him a sleepy smile and closes her eyes. She hears his quiet sigh and a few minutes later he turns off the light, bed sagging beneath his weight as he settles next to her. Despite her exhaustion, she’s awake for a long time after that, staring into the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The Olivets and the Stones_  
>  Nicholas Aldrich Olivet: Liz's father, who goes by Nick. A shy man, he is the Chairman of the family bank started by his grandfather. He is married to:
> 
> Isobel Griswold Olivet: who grew up on Contentment Island in Connecticut, where she and her husband now live. Isobel has one brother and is particularly close with his four sons. She and Nick have one daughter:
> 
> Elizabeth Griswold Olivet: a psychologist who specializes in victimology. She occasionally consults with police precincts and the District Attorney's office, which is where she met her husband:
> 
> Ben Stone: a former Executive Assistant District Attorney, now a bestselling author of legal thrillers. He also consults at One Police Plaza for the Major Case Squad. He is married to Liz, whose daughter:
> 
> Caroline Griswold Olivet Stone (b. 1999): is actually the daughter of Liz and her former boyfriend, Mike Logan, during a brief reconciliation, though she has only shared the details of her daughter's parentage with Mike Logan and her doctor.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _The Griswolds_  
>  Teddy and Chrissie Griswold: Teddy works at the family bank, Chrissie runs a gallery. Chrissie and Liz were at school together, and Teddy is Liz's favorite cousin. They have three children: Jack (b. 1991), Henry (b. 1994), and Eliza (b. 1998). They live three blocks away from Liz in the city.
> 
> Bill and Margot Griswold: Bill works in advertising and Margot is a teacher at a private school in the city. They have two children, Owen (b. 1992) and Toby (b. 1993).
> 
> James and Alice Griswold: James is a stay-at-home dad and Alice works as a broker. They have twins, Oliver and Tucker (b. 1998).
> 
> Charlie and Beth Griswold: Charlie is the black sheep of the family. He's a travel writer and is constantly out of town, while Beth works at Chrissie's gallery. They have a daughter, the youngest of the grandchildren, Georgina (b. 2000).
> 
>  
> 
>  _The Others_  
>  Peter deVries: Nick Olivet's best friend from Deerfield and Yale. They have remained best friends all their lives and is Liz's godfather. His partner is:
> 
> Miranda Darby: who met Peter at Yale when she and her Farmington and Smith roommate, Isobel Griswold, went to the Harvard/Yale game. She has remained best friends with Isobel ever since.


	2. Isobel, Stockings on Christmas Morning

She’s been awake since six, going downstairs to make sure that everything is ready for the morning. Coffee and tea are brewing, pastries are set out, and there is plenty of champagne for the adults. There’s a roaring fire in the library, the stockings hung carefully on the fireguard, and then there are the piles of presents beneath the tree. Everything is perfectly arranged and she is ready for the day to start.

It’s been a long time since she’s been woken up by a child coming to jump on her bed, filled with excitement about Christmas and the promise of presents, more than thirty years since Liz used to rush into their room, filled with glee. The longstanding family rule is that no child can be out of bed before seven is still in place; at precisely seven she smiles to hear the thump of children’s feet hitting the floor and the shrieks of excitement as they rush into their parents’ rooms.

By seven fifteen everyone has made their way downstairs. Her nephews Teddy and Bill, their wives and their sons are the first to appear from next door, the boys running over to give her enormous hugs, then disappearing into the kitchen to scrounge up snacks. Teddy and Bill open a bottle of champagne, pouring overflowing glasses and handing them around as James and Margot come downstairs, their twins already protesting their impatience. Charlie, carrying a sobbing Georgina, appears next.

‘But I wanted to open my stocking before coming downstairs, like at Grandma and Grandpa’s!’ she cries. ‘Why wasn’t my stocking at the foot of my bed?’ Beth catches Alice’s gaze and rolls her eyes in mock horror.

‘She’s been a holy terror all morning,’ Beth whispers as she comes over to say good morning. ‘I’m so sorry, Aunt Isobel.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ she responds, kissing her on the cheek. ‘Now, I bet you could do with a glass of champagne.’

Beth looks mildly scandalized, but Alice, overhearing, comes to draw her away.

‘It’s Christmas morning--and we’ll need it, dealing with the children.’

She chuckles to herself and looks around. In the confusion she misses seeing her daughter and her son-in-law appear downstairs, but Liz is by the fireplace, her old cashmere dressing gown belted tightly around her slim waist. She’s standing with Caroline, who looks up at her, begging for her stocking.

‘Not quite yet, sweetheart,’ she says, stroking her hair. Caroline pouts, but quickly breaks into a smile and runs off to join Eliza, who is debating which pastry to choose.

But where is her son-in-law? Liz turns away from the stockings to come over and say good morning, hugging her tight. She’s lost some weight recently and even though she’s smiling it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

‘It’s so nice to have everyone here, isn’t it?’ Liz says. ‘I know Caroline is so happy to be able to spend the whole holiday with Eliza. You’d think that they never spend any time together.’

She laughs and Liz offers a small smile in response. Looking at her daughter closely she sees how tired she is. Liz notices her careful scrutiny and slides away, telling her she’s going to get a glass of champagne before she can ask her about it.

Appearing at her elbow, her husband appears with Peter and Miranda, handing her a flute of champagne.

‘Happy Christmas, my darling,’ Nick says, kissing her. She smiles at him, then at their dear friends, leaning over to kiss Miranda on the cheek.

‘Should we start with the stockings?’ Miranda suggests. ‘Somehow I think the children are growing quite impatient.’

From the low roar of noise in the background, punctuated by Georgina’s sporadic, hiccuping cries, they all agree--best to get started. Nick goes over to the ship’s bell from his parents’ yacht, now hung on the wall, and rings it three times. Almost immediately the noise dies and she watches her husband smile at their assorted family members.

‘First of all, Merry Christmas,’ he begins. ‘If everyone can get something to eat and drink, we’ll get started opening presents.’

The children cheer and she laughs, stepping back to stand next to Miranda.

‘It’s so nice to have everyone here, don’t you think?’ Miranda whispers.

She nods in agreement, looking over at her daughter. Ben has finally appeared, the only person not dressed in pyjamas, looking removed from the proceedings as he sips from his cup of coffee. Liz is talking to him and he nods absentmindedly. Her granddaughter is with Eliza, heads bent together as they laugh. Georgina watches jealously from her father’s arms. The older boys are gathering enormous plates of food in preparation for a marathon present-opening session; the twins are playing something on their Gameboys, already camped out in front of their stacks of presents, stockings in front of them. Five minutes later--sufficient time, according to Nick, to prepare--he rings the bell again and everyone collects finds seats, parents making sure children don’t rush to open all their presents at once. Her husband joins her on the sofa and Miranda and Peter settle on the other sofa facing them.

‘Before we start, I just wanted to say a few things,’ she says, tapping her champagne flute with her diamond ring to capture everyone’s attention. ‘We’re so happy to have you all here with us this Christmas. For those of us who are unfamiliar, or who may not remember, we’ll go over the traditions again. Everyone opens their stockings first, then, once the stockings are done, we’ll move onto presents. We’ll go around and open one present at a time until they are all open--and at that point it will be time to change for lunch!’

She looks around at her family, filled with love for all of them. How lucky she is; how lucky they all are. The children are watching her with barely concealed impatience and she laughs.

‘Well, what are you waiting for?’ she asks. Parents hand their children the stockings and soon children and adults alike are exclaiming with excitement. The children’s stockings are filled with fun little gifts--games for their Gameboys, chocolate, books--while the adults have more substantial presents--silk scarves, cuff links, new wallets, gloves… soon chatter and joyful laughter ring out, conversations overlapping as everyone calls out to each other.

This is what she always loved about the holidays, what she wanted when she organized this year’s celebration. She had thought that Ben would not be joining them this year and, not wanting her daughter or granddaughter to feel his absence, had told Nick that all she wanted this year was the whole family together. He knew that she had other motivations but he’d agreed readily, taking care of so many of the logistical details and persuading the more reluctant of their guests--particularly Charlie and his wife, who thought them frivolous and extravagant--to join them.

She knows her daughter has been having a tough time in her marriage, even though Liz refuses to confide in her. Ben’s pointed absence from family holidays to spend time with his daughter, while understandable, strikes her as odd. She has consistently invited his daughter and her family to spend the holidays with them but despite one stilted, unsuccessful Fourth of July they had not accepted the invitations she extended.

Was that when Liz’s marriage started to go wrong, or was that just when she began to notice? She invited Julie, her husband Tom, and their two sons Ian and Stuart to join them at Miranda and Peter’s house in Southampton for a week over the Fourth of July just after Caroline turned four. It’s one of their most cherished family traditions--a week or more on the water, playing touch football, fireworks, concerts at the Surf Lodge and beach bonfires… she thought it would be an enjoyable, restful week for everyone. They’d only met Ben’s daughter once, at Liz’s wedding, and she’d never met their children. Caroline hadn’t spent much time with them either, which made her sad. She firmly believed that family was the most important thing.

And so the four of them flew into JFK, renting a car and driving out to Southampton. That was the beginning of a difficult week. They’d been stuck in summer traffic and it took them four hours to reach Gin Lane, Julie and Tom emerging from their small rental car jetlagged and exhausted while their sons were filled with energy, shrieking as they dart out of the car. They could hear their arrival from the porch where they were enjoying cocktails. Before any of them could get up to greet them Ian and Stuart had run out onto the porch screaming at the top of their lungs, pretending to be airplanes, running into the bar cart and knocking over a pitcher of martinis. After Ben showed his daughter and son-in-law to their room, they disappeared for the next two hours, leaving their children downstairs while they went to freshen up.

She’d planned a barbeque for their first night, figuring the informal meal would be just the thing after their long travels. It was a good thing too as Julie and Tom didn’t reappear till nearly eight and a formal dinner would have been spoiled. Their late appearance set the tone for the rest of the week and, while it started out well, it quickly deteriorated. Ben took charge of his grandchildren while Julie and Tom vanished upstairs. He showed them all over the house, tossed them a football on the beach, took them down to the ocean to dip their toes in the surf… but he did all of these things without including Caroline, who had tagged along, asking to play too. Rebuffed by the boys and Ben, Caroline made her way up from the beach by herself, then curled up in her mother’s lap, very quiet. Liz looked down to the beach, a glass of wine in her hand, and stroked her daughter’s hair. It broke her heart.

She’d always thought Ben was just reserved, not the sort of man who enjoyed children, but that week she realized it wasn’t that. Ben whisked his daughter and grandchildren away on a tour of the Hamptons, bringing them to Montauk, out to Fire Island, to Sag Harbor. Tom spent most of that week surfing in Montauk, and the only time they were really all together that week was for the fireworks and their touch football game. It was enough. Every time the children were together the boys ganged up on Caroline, Julie was barely civil to everyone except her father and husband, treating the house and staff as a hotel, and Liz was just so sad it hurt to look at her.

By the end of their visit Liz and Caroline were barely speaking to Ben, who didn’t notice. They decided to stay an extra week at the beach while he returned to the city. That following week was just like every other week they’d spent at the beach house, carefree and lighthearted. She wanted to talk to Liz about what happened but every time she casually brought up the subject Liz would change it. She didn’t bring it up again but she thought about it constantly and prayed that her daughter would be happy.

And so, remembering how happy they used to be, she organized a big family Christmas to cheer her daughter up. She loved those Christmases when Liz and the boys were growing up and she loves having everyone here now. Glancing across the room she looks at her beautiful daughter and granddaughter. Caroline is sitting on her mother’s lap, holding a book she found in her stocking. Liz’s cheek is pressed against her daughter’s and her arms are around her waist, holding her tight. It’s a perfect moment of the two people she loves best, and she is gratified to hear the light click of a camera. Nick has taken a picture of them; catching her eye, he smiles at her.

‘I love you,’ he mouths, and she blows him a kiss. She is so lucky.


	3. Teddy, Opening Presents

It’s been a while since he’s had all his brothers together, since they’ve all had the sort of Christmas they grew up with. Their parents had never been ones for family tradition, but Aunt Isobel and Uncle Nick were--something he appreciates now more than ever. He’s so grateful for his family--his brothers, his wife, his children, and especially for Liz, who was more like a little sister than his cousin. Even though he was twelve when she was born they were always close. As a child she would beg him to take her sailing, tell her stories, play tennis with her, and tuck her in at night. When she started at Farmington he’d visit her from Yale, where he was in business school, and watch her play tennis or squash and then take her out to dinner. Later, when she decided to go to Barnard, then Columbia, for school, he was living in the city and they grew particularly close. She introduced him to his wife, who was her “old girl” at Farmington. She was the godmother to their daughter, Eliza, who was named after her, and she was his wife’s best friend.

He knows a lot more about her life than she’s told him directly as she’s always confided in Chrissie. His wife didn’t share everything with him, but he’d know, even if she didn’t tell him, that Liz was unhappy in her marriage. She had come to the bank a month or two ago to discuss her finances; she wanted to see which assets were tied up into a trust. He went through everything, piece by piece--besides what she earned from her practice, she had a substantial income from her trust fund, her apartment was purchased by her parents and was still in their name, and Caroline’s expenses were paid from a separate account created specifically for that purpose. She looked relieved at the end of their meeting and he suspected she was getting ready to ask for a divorce.

She was relieved, but so was he. He’d never liked Ben and he still doesn’t know why she married him so quickly. What was she thinking? The week before she got married he took her out to dinner, just the two of them, to Lutèce. She didn’t look like a woman in love; she looked infinitely tired and sad as she sat across the table from him, her _truite amandine_ cooling on the table as he started the most difficult conversation of his life.

‘Are you sure you want to get married?’ he asked, the first and last time he asked her anything so deeply personal.

She couldn’t meet his eyes when she told him that yes, of course, she loved Ben. He reached across the table and took her hand; she frowned hard, trying not to cry. 

‘The truth is, Teddy, I gave my heart away a long time ago,’ she said at last, her voice deceptively light. ‘But I want children. And Ben… he’s a good man.’

‘If you want kids, Liz, you can have them on your own. We’ll all help, you know that…’

‘I know,’ she said, then squeezed his hand, letting go. ‘It’s all right, Teddy. I know what I’m doing.’

He never pushed her and instead they changed the topic, talking about his children, her parents, their family. On her wedding day she looked beautiful, calm, and not nearly as happy as she looked when she was with Mike.

They never figured out what happened between them to end it. Liz never told anyone, not even Chrissie. He really thought they were going to get married. She was so happy with him and Aunt Isobel had called him, telling him that Mike had bought Liz a ring. She wanted help planning a surprise engagement party for them after they came back from Bermuda, but just before they were meant to leave he’d punched a councilman and then the next thing they’d heard they’d broken up.

He looks over at his wife, sitting cross-legged next to him, opening up a present from their children--a necklace he helped them buy from Tiffany’s, three hearts representing each of the children. She puts it on immediately, smiling in delight and holding out her arms to them. They all hug her, even Jack, their teenager, who kisses her on the cheek.

‘My darlings,’ she says, glancing over at him and smiling. ‘I love you all so much.’

He leans over and kisses her as his aunt claps her hands. ‘All right, Ben, it’s your turn to open a present.’

‘Daddy, open mine!’ Caroline says, proudly presenting him with a present he can tell she wrapped herself with lots of tape and more enthusiasm than skill.

He accepts the gift with a notable lack of enthusiasm, unwrapping it to find a history of the Mets and three tickets to Opening Day at Shea Stadium.

‘Thanks, sweetheart,’ he says, looking at her. ‘That’s very nice.’

Isobel is frowning slightly at his response; he looks at Liz, who is in psychologist-mode, her expression giving away nothing as she searches for a gift.

‘Here, darling, it’s your turn now,’ she says, handing her daughter a present to distract her from Ben’s rebuff. ‘This is from me and Daddy.’

He doesn’t even think he’s done anything wrong, he marvels as he watches Ben flip through his book, not paying attention to his daughter opening her presents. Did he even pick it out?

Caroline unwraps the present, a beautiful silver jewelry box with her monogram. ‘Thank you, Mommy, thank you, Daddy!’ Caroline says, stroking the lid, darting a glance at her father who grants her an absentminded half smile, clearly not paying attention. ‘It’s beautiful.’

‘Open it,’ Liz urges, her arm around Caroline’s shoulders. He notices that she’s angled Caroline away from Ben, who is absorbed in his new book despite his lack of enthusiasm when opening the present. When his niece opens the box she exclaims in delight, holding up a charm bracelet.

‘Just like yours, Mommy!’ she says, twisting around to look at her.

‘Well, I thought you were just about old enough to start your own. I’ve been collecting charms for you since you were born.’

‘That’s lovely, Caroline!’ Chrissie says, leaning over to look closely. ‘Look, here’s one of Connecticut, one of a sailboat…’

‘And a tennis racquet and Bermuda and so many others!’ Caroline says, looking at the bracelet. ‘I love it, Mommy.’

‘When is it my turn?’ Georgina demands, pouting. Charlie’s daughter is already irreparably spoiled, it seems. Her mother hushes her, telling her to be patient.

‘Liz, your turn,’ Isobel says over Georgina’s continued grumbles. They exchange a knowing smile, then Liz turns her attention to the gift Caroline hands her.

‘From you, darling? You did such a wonderful job wrapping it all by yourself!’ Caroline beams as Liz struggles with the vast amount of tape used to secure the wrapping paper. When she succeeds, she reveals a drawing that Caroline had made at school that she’d asked Chrissie to get framed for her. The drawing is of her grandparents’ house and the _Selkie_ , Uncle Nick’s boat. On the boat she and Liz are depicted, smiling. It’s a picture a parent would cherish, remarkable not for its skill but the evident love in the drawing.

‘Oh, Caroline, it’s beautiful!’ Liz exclaims, her response so enthusiastic and genuine that it throws Ben’s lackluster response into sharp contrast. ‘Is that the _Selkie_ , and you and me?’ Caroline nods and Liz embraces her, kissing her forehead. ‘I love it. As soon as we get home we’ll hang it up. Thank you, sweetheart.’ She turns the picture around so the rest of the room can see it. ‘Isn’t this beautiful?’ she declares.

‘Lovely,’ Miranda pronounces. ‘I hope you will draw something new for me, Caroline.’

‘You did a wonderful job, sweetheart,’ Nick agrees.

‘Now can I open a present?’ Georgina yells.

‘Manners, young lady, or you’ll have a timeout,’ Isobel says. ‘Christmas isn’t about gifts, it’s about how much we love each other and being together as a family.’

Beth looks mutinous, clearly angry with Aunt Isobel for stepping in even though he’s sure everyone else is relieved. Georgina mutters an apology and glowers, her expression matching her mother’s. He catches Bill’s eye and suppresses a laugh as Isobel announces that maybe everyone should take a quick break before they start their next round of opening presents.


	4. Nick, Christmas Morning

The children disperse after Isobel determines they should all take a break, quickly followed by their parents. Peter pulls Miranda aside and Isobel disappears into the kitchen to check on lunch, leaving him the freedom to slip into his study for some much-needed time alone. He loves his family but with twenty-two other people in the house for Christmas he needs a break, too. His study is blessedly silent and he closes the door behind him, subsiding into his comfortable leather armchair with a sigh of relief.

It’s been a long day already and it’s barely nine in the morning. He’s glad that their whole family is together even though it is a commitment to host so many… not only to host, but to entertain, to amuse, to simply have for Christmas lunch. He suspects that Isobel’s desire to have the family together is more than just that, and of course he is happy to have everyone here… but it is nice to have a few minutes to decompress.

Before he can close his eyes and take a nap, or pour himself a glass of water, or even sneak a look at the paper, someone knocks at the door. He stands to open it but it opens as he rises from his chair, his granddaughter standing in the doorway, tears cascading down her face.

‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong?’ he asks, concern pushing away any annoyance at the interruption of his brief moment of peace. ‘Come here and talk to me.’

Caroline steps further into the study, closing the door carefully behind her. ‘I’m sorry, Grandfather, I didn’t want to bother you. I know I’m not supposed to interrupt you when you’re here…’

‘You’re never a bother, my darling. What’s wrong?’

She takes the seat across from his, her legs dangling from the chair. Looking at her he is reminded so much of her mother--she looks just like her when she was a little girl, except for a few key traits that are her father’s. Caroline’s gaze has dropped to her hands, folded neatly in her lap.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asks again.

She sighs, a sound too old and sad for his beloved five and a half year old granddaughter. ‘Why didn’t Daddy like my present?’ she asks. ‘I thought he would. I saved up my allowance for six months to buy his ticket, and Mommy helped with the other two so we could all go together. Daddy loves the Mets.’

How can he respond to that? He has no clue as to Ben’s motivations and no idea how to comfort her. She’s waiting for him to tell her that everything is going to be all right but he can’t tell her that because he doesn’t know what will happen. He is good at the physical ailments; he always deferred to Isobel when their daughter was in emotional pain. He was never sure how to make things better, and he wanted to do that--it tore out his heart when his daughter, and now his granddaughter, was hurting.

Maybe Ben is like this because he knows, or suspects, that he isn’t Caroline’s father. Would he be able to know for sure? He doubts that Liz has confided this key piece of information to him, and he seriously doubts Ben would still be married to Liz if he knew. After all, Liz has never told them either.

It was a real surprise to find out that Michael was her father. Caroline was three months old and Liz had spent the previous week with them, exhausted from resuming her normal work schedule and Ben’s clear disinterest in pulling his weight as a parent. She was with them in Connecticut for a long time--almost two months--until Ben finally made an effort to reach out to her and persuade her to come home. But during that first week, when he went to her apartment to pack up her clothes and things for the baby, the doorman stopped him on the way out.

‘Mr. Logan dropped this off for Dr. Liz,’ he said, and he took the present from him. In the car ride home he looked into the bag, fighting back the knowledge that he was invading her privacy--and extracted a stuffed bunny Caroline later called Topsy and an unsigned, unsealed note, which read, “I wanted her to have something from her father. I'm sorry I can't be who you need me to be.”

It made sense. They obviously didn’t agree with her decision to have an affair but she had loved him more than anyone and Ben wasn’t the person she wanted. How could she deny that simple fact when faced with its reality? And how could they begrudge her some happiness when so much of her adult life had been fraught with difficulties in the way her childhood never was? Besides, they know nothing about about the circumstances of Caroline’s conception, so how can they judge?

Of course she had the baby. She wanted a child for years and she’d wanted to marry Michael. Before he’d come to them to ask for their blessing, Liz had confided in the two of them that she hoped he’d propose soon, that she wanted to start a family. Then it was over without any explanation. They’ve never recovered from the shock they felt when, two years later, she announced she was getting married--but not to Michael, to Ben, who they hadn’t yet met. When they did he appeared to be a solid yet uninspiring choice of a partner for their beloved, remarkable daughter. He’s confirmed that initial assumption every day since. So, no, he can’t fault his daughter for grasping for something extraordinary she once had.

But apparently whatever they’d had was as impermanent as anything else exceptional. By the time Caroline was born she wasn’t speaking to Michael anymore. When she and Caroline came to stay when Caroline was three months old she wasn’t speaking to Ben any longer, either. They thought that she’d file for divorce during that time, especially after finding out about Michael. Liz thought--and so did they all--that it would be better to raise Caroline by herself. But after nearly two months of absence Ben reappeared, somehow persuaded her to come back, and then they settled into… whatever this is today.

Did knowing about Michael change anything? He obviously knew about his daughter but didn’t want to be a part of her life. That note he sent to her proved it. How could Liz go through that, live every day knowing that she had this beautiful daughter who wasn’t wanted except by her? That wasn’t what they wanted for her.

Liz never told them the truth about her daughter’s parentage and they never brought it up, knowing she would say something if she wanted them to know. It didn’t matter to them. They loved their granddaughter and it was clear that Liz did too, with all her heart.

It was also increasingly obvious that Ben did not. As his granddaughter reaches out and takes a tissue to blow her nose, he takes a deep breath.

‘I don’t know what to say, sweetheart. Christmas is sometimes a tough time for people, and your father… he likes things quieter and more organized than this.’

‘Then why did he come? Why didn’t he just go to see Julie and Tom? That’s what I heard him tell Mommy he was going to do.’

‘Because he loves you, Caroline, and wanted to spend Christmas with you. He didn’t have a good reaction to your wonderful, generous gift but I’m sure he will apologize later.’

‘I don’t know,’ she shrugs, dipping her head and tucking her hair behind her ears just like her mother does when she doesn’t want to cry.

‘Don’t know what, sweetheart?’

Before she can reply there is a knock on the door and his wife opens it. ‘Darling, have you seen Caroline? We’re about to get started.’

‘Yes, we’re just having a little chat,’ he replies. ‘We’ll be right there, Isobel.’

‘Okay,’ she says, giving him a quick, encouraging smile. As she closes the door behind her, he turns to look at his granddaughter. She’s slid down from the chair, head lowered.

‘Sorry for bothering you, Grandfather,’ Caroline mumbles, then flees the room.

He waits a few minutes before following Caroline into the library, joining his wife on the sofa. His granddaughter is curled up in her mother’s lap, arms wrapped around her waist, clinging to her in a way she hasn’t for a long time. Ben isn’t there, and Liz is leaning forward to talk to Chrissie, absentmindedly stroking her daughter’s hair.

Isobel says, ‘We’ve come to a decision. Since there are so many more people this year we’ll let everyone open the rest of their presents at the same time.’

Georgina gives a shriek of delight and pounces on her large pile of gifts.

‘Daddy’s missing the presents,’ he hears Caroline say. ‘Should we get him?’

‘He has a headache. We’ll bring Daddy’s upstairs to him later,’ Liz reassures her. ‘Now, darling, which one would you like to open next?’

Caroline picks one at random, returning to her mother’s arms. Even held tight in her mother’s embrace she opens her presents with markedly less enthusiasm than earlier. He wants to go over to her, give her a hug, tell her that everything will be all right… but he doesn’t know that, and doesn’t know what to tell her to make things better. Obviously their little talk wasn’t enough. Reaching out, he takes his wife’s hand, squeezing tight. He hates feeling as though he’s failed his family.

He should have talked to Liz about Caroline years ago. If she knew that they knew, if she knew she had their support and love, then maybe she would have ended her marriage all those years ago and they wouldn’t be worrying about them now. She must be scared of telling them--it’s the only explanation he can think of for her silence. They should talk to her. They need to talk to her.


	5. Peter, Christmas Presents

He remembers Liz’s first Christmas as though it was yesterday. Nick and Isobel had been trying to have a baby for so long and Liz was their miracle, a perfect baby. She was so happy, that first Christmas--smiling and laughing and sleeping a lot, too, when they hosted their now-legendary Boxing Day party for the first time here instead of their city apartment. He remembers Miranda cradling her, Liz sleeping soundly in her arms. They’d never wanted children themselves but they were delighted with Liz and loved her so much. They’ve spent so many years together and this year especially he can’t help but remember earlier, happier times.

Liz was always reserved, just like her father, but that first Christmas she brought Michael to meet her parents he was astonished at the sparkle in her eyes, how wide she smiled. She was more beautiful than ever and he’d never seen her like that before; he hadn’t seen her so happy since their relationship ended. She was in love for the first time and it was transformative.

He’s known Liz her entire life and he’s watched her grow from a child into a teenager, an adult, and now a mother. She loves her daughter more than anything. He’s never seen her so absorbed in anyone or anything else, not even her work--and her work had been all-consuming, at times to her detriment. She was a wonderful mother. All of her work as a child psychologist had made her so understanding of everything to do with children, including indifferent or reluctant parents like her husband.

Watching them from his seat on the sofa, he sees how quiet and sad Caroline seems. During the second round of present-opening Nick had told him that she came into his study crying and tried to talk to her, but she’d slipped out of his study when Isobel came to find them to continue the present opening. Now, wrapped in her mother’s arms, she looks lost as Liz never did when she was a child. She was so young, younger than Liz ever seemed, though that could be because he’s getting older too.

Maybe their unhappiness is more apparent this weekend because it is Christmas, a time when emotions are heightened. Ben has disappeared after the first round of present-opening, Liz claiming that he had a headache. They all knew she was lying, could tell by her pursed lips and eagerness to distract her daughter, offering her presents and pastries and even a tiny sip of champagne from her glass as a special Christmas treat. Caroline takes the hint, her initial suggestions that Ben might feel better if she brought him some breakfast or his presents silenced by Liz’s carefully proffered excuses, assuring her that he would be down for lunch and feeling much better. 

Teddy opens another bottle of champagne, pouring everyone a glass. Everyone has finished unwrapping their presents, thanks to Isobel relaxing the strict rules governing that particular tradition, and the children have scattered except for Caroline and Georgina. Georgina, the youngest, is showing off as her mother eggs her on to sing Christmas carols. Caroline, by contrast, is silent, still curled up in Liz’s lap. Bill and James have started gathering together discarded wrapping paper, tossing it into huge garbage bags. 

‘Darling, I’m going to check on Daddy before lunch, okay? Will you go play with Eliza for a bit?’

‘Can I come too? Maybe Daddy’s feeling better and we can help him open the rest of his presents.’

She kisses her forehead. ‘You are so sweet, my love, but you go play. I promise that if Daddy’s up for it later we’ll open his presents together.’

‘Okay,’ Caroline agrees, looking relieved. She joins her cousin and Liz smiles at her parents, excusing herself.

He leans back and watches the girls play with a new board game in front of the fire. Miranda rests her hand on his thigh and he looks over at her.

‘You all right?’ she asks, voice soft.

‘Fine. Just… thinking.’

‘Do you want to go upstairs and have a rest before lunch?’

‘Mm. That sounds like a good idea,’ he agrees, and takes her hand as he stands up. Nick and Isobel have vanished too, and he wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her close against him, as they ascend the stairs.


End file.
